Response to Molly Kirkpatrick's "Blood"

Molly –

            I really liked this story about a nineteen year old girl, named Scarlett, who is in a mental hospital following the death of her father. As Scarlett herself says, she “just couldn’t take it anymore.” Her mother put Scarlett in the psychiatric hospital after she caught Scarlett cutting herself. However, Scarlett claims that she wasn’t trying to commit suicide, but was merely doing it to make sure she is still alive.

            First of all, I LOVE the voice in this piece. It’s so unique – sarcastic, realistic, and relatable all at the same time. I kept reading because I wanted more of that voice. I also thought your choice of subject was really unique, especially since the voice doesn’t exactly scream “insane.” I really liked the descriptions of the mental hospital – I liked that it was colored by the fact that Scarlett really doesn’t need to be in the mental hospital, but she’s there anyway and she observes everything around her. You do a great job creating a sense of place – I feel like I know exactly what the mental hospital looks like and what the patients are like. I also liked the recurring theme of death and blood pouring out (even though the scene where her dad died not only made me cringe, but made me slightly sick) – it tied everything together and made the ending all that more impactful.

            As for suggestions, I’ll start with some minor, nit-picky things. First of all, I want to know earlier how old Scarlett is. I got the sense that she was probably younger based on her interactions with the psychiatrist in the first scene, but I wasn’t sure. Until Scarlett says she’s nineteen on page 4, I was thinking she was around sixteen, so I want that introduced a bit earlier. Also, I want to know earlier why she’s in the mental hospital. All the stuff about her father doesn’t have to be revealed early – in fact, I think it’s perfect where it is – but I think I’d like to know that she’s there for cutting herself earlier in the story.

            My last suggestion has to do with the change in the character. I’m not really sure there was a change in the character. Sure, she comes to the realization that her dad will always be with her as long as she lets him stay, I feel like she had come to that realization before she has this conversation with the psychiatrist. Because of that, I didn’t feel like there was actually a change; it was more like the audience came to know more about Scarlett.