Response to Christina Kettering's "Password Protected"

Christina –

            Your story made me tear up. I loved how you portrayed the relationship between Thomas and Julia. Their relationship is very sweet – which is why I was sad when it was revealed that Thomas died.

            Basically, this story is about a brother and sister. The story itself is narrated by the sister, who, through reflections on her life with her brother and browsing Facebook, realizes the inherent unfairness in life – that some people choose to kill themselves when others, who want to live, die. She also discovers that despite this, it is possible to create an alternate reality, in which you live the life you want to live.

            As I’ve already said, I really enjoyed the relationship between Thomas and Julia. I thought you did a great job with the characterization because the closeness between them was quite apparent. However, I’d suggest maybe adding something that creates tension between them, because right now, their relationship is a little bit too perfect, which isn’t completely realistic. I think that’s what you were going for with the whole conversation about school while they were watching Glee. The scene itself is good, but I’d like to see a little more conflict because even though their conversation is supposed to create tension, it still has an air of sweetness, because Thomas is simply looking out for his sister.

            I also really enjoyed the juxtaposition of little details with the overarching situation of Thomas’ cancer. My favorite was “This invasion of my privacy used to be my greatest sorrow in middle school.” The juxtaposition of the eavesdropping being her greatest sorrow against her brother’s cancer shows just how much her life has been changed.

            The only other major suggestion I have is clarifying the ages/age difference of Thomas and Julia. I was able to figure out that Julia was older, but I wasn’t sure by how much. Also, I wasn’t quite sure how old she is. From the voice, it seemed like she was in college, so a bit older than the scenes in the flashbacks, but I wasn’t sure exactly how old she was or how long ago Thomas had died. And that’s another think I’d like nailed down. How old was Thomas when he died? And how long did Julia keep up the façade that her brother was still alive? I’d like to see this time issues clarified so I can have a better grip on the when of the story.