Response to Robert Lee's "Curtis and Deangelo"

Robert Lee’s “Curtis and Deangelo” is about two guys (I assume their just friends and not actually related). The story begins in a casino where Curtis is gambling. There, the reader finds out that Curtis has been losing all night and has had bad luck with both prostitution and alcohol in the very recent past. The reader is then introduced to Deangelo, who like Curtis, hasn’t been having much luck in Las Vegas. They leave the casino and Curtis gets a phone call telling him that his father is in surgery. The two guys then talk about an accident that happened a year prior. After that, there is a transition to the hospital, where Curtis’ father is recovering from surgery. He talks on the phone to Deangelo and Deangelo reveals that his own father has died.

I liked the beginning of the story, when Curtis was just gambling by himself and losing money. I like the air of mystery that surrounded him. I also like the exaggerations he is telling Mr. Berry. (At least, I thought they were exaggerations, but after reading the whole story, I’m not so sure.) I thought this story could have gone so many ways.

My main problem with this story is the lack of direction. I have no idea what this story is actually about. It seems like there are two or three threads going on here; all of them are kind of thrown on the page, but there isn’t a specific one that is actually followed. There’s the story of the gambling. And then there’s a story in Deangelo and the little line about them thinking they’re going to be arrested. There’s also a story within their conversation about the accident. And lastly, there’s also a story in the hospital and Curtis’ dad’s surgery.

I think this might be remedied by picking one story and following it to the end and add the details necessary to flesh it out. As it stands right now, there is a lack of detail that raises a lot of questions. Who is Bishop? Why are they in Las Vegas? What accident are they talking about? How are Deangelo and Curtis connected? For a while, I thought they were just friends, then I thought they were brothers, but then I went back to thinking they were just friends. Because of the lack of details, I don’t have a firm hold on anything in this story.

I also found myself confused by the dialogue. Several times, I realized that I didn’t know who was speaking, and it changed how I read it. For example, I thought the line in which Curtis harasses the waitress was actually spoken by Deangelo. I thought it was good characterization until I realized that it was Curtis who had said it.

Lastly, I don’t know what’s going on in the ending. I thought it was Curtis’ dad in the hospital. In the beginning of the scene, the dad is alive and recovering. But by the end of the scene, someone’s (I’m not sure whose) dad has died. I assume that it was Deangelo’s dad who died since the beginning of the scene showed Curtis’ dad alive and well. But that makes me question how Deangelo’s dad ended up in the hospital/in surgery too.

Pick a story, stick to it, and add detail, and I think this story could go a long way.