Response to Janelle Green's "The Truth Behind the Window"

“The Truth Behind the Window” is about a suburban woman who spends her days watching the comings and goings of her neighbors. She does this to compensate for the lack of a life of her own. She is mired in a loveless and boring marriage, and her only escape from it and the dullness of her days is to spy on other people from the safety of her own home.

Overall, I really enjoyed the story. I think that the actions of the neighbors really show how boring and fake suburban life can be. Personally, my favorite instance of this description is when little Elizabeth’s father is teaching her how to ride a bike. The father is trying industriously to help his daughter, but Elizabeth is acting like a spoiled brat, “think her bike was supposed to act like her mini Cadillac Escalade sitting in the garage, along with everything else in her life, and automatically “go” because she said so.” This little moment of narration encapsulates the stereotypical image of suburbia. Suburbia is a magical land where everyone is happily married, has two kids, and the latest toys, cars, gadgets, or what have you. Or so we think. Through the narration, Janelle is able to reveal that though there is the stereotype of suburbia, when one looks past the façade, the life is something completely different.

However, there are a few things I would point out to work on. First of all, watch verb tense and grammar. There were a lot of missing commas or other punctuation, which alters the meaning of the sentence. Also, there were constant shifts between present and past tense. Pick a tense and stay in it unless it is necessary to make a shift for a stylistic reason. For instance, if the majority of the story is in past tense, a shift to present tense would make the narration more immediate, thus allowing the reader to pick up on something important. However, because the shifts seem arbitrary/accidental, it does nothing for the reader but cause confusion.

Also, I would like to see a bit more detail to help orient the reader. For instance, what time of day is it when the story starts? I thought it was evening, around five or six o’clock, because I thought Larry was coming home from work. Yet, other bits of action happen after that first little chunk, so obviously it is earlier in the day. Not until page six is the reader semi-oriented as far as time goes. Also, I would like to have an idea of what time period this takes place in. Does it take place during modern times? If so, why the constant fixation of the 1950s? And one last detail that might help orient the audience is location. Where are they? I’m assuming it takes place in America, but where in America? North? South? Little geographical cues might help the reader fill in gaps with their stereotypes of the region.